See Jane Die by Erica Spindler

418626The fifteen-year old Jane was a survivor of a horrific accident when she skipped school together with her sister, Stacy and her friends. She accepted their dare to swim in the lake and little did she know, that day in the water would change her life forever.

Now, seventeen years later after so many series of surgeries to fix her face, she was married to a renowned and successful plastic surgeon Dr. Ian Westbrook and pregnant with their first child. Then a brutal crime occurred which happened to have a connection to her husband.  In an attempt to prove his innocence, she realized along the way that this crime was somewhat connected to the near death accident she had experience seventeen years ago.

I don’t know if it’s just because this is the first book that I decided to read after not reading for a long while, if you have been a reader of mine, you would know how much I love crime-thrillers and that goes hand-in-hand with Erica Spindler but in this book, I just didn’t get that Spindler magic. There was no blood rushing/pumping in my veins, no mind exploding moments. Sure the guessing game in here as to who culprit was good, it gave me a headache. There were a lot of scenes wherein I caught myself gasp and sigh out of shock, pity, disappointment and excitement.

The story was narrated in a third person point of view in which I must say whilst reading this book I realized that I prefer the first person point of view narration style because in my opinion, it gives more in-depth details as to what the character is feeling and gives us better understanding about their way of thinking and mindset. Don’t get me wrong, that didn’t bother me in any way at all, just stating my realization.

As for character development, I really like how Jane and Stacy’s characters progressed and portrayed in the book. In my view, they are opposite and yet the same in a way. Jane, when you think of what she had been through, you couldn’t help to think that she’s fragile, all beauty and no brawn but as time gone by she became strong and successful for the same reason as well. Stacy on the other hand, is a tough cookie. Being a woman in the force she endured, persevered and worked hard so that she would be respected and treated equal by her colleagues which she deservedly earned.

The twist in the ending, though I cannot say that it came out of nowhere because I kind of expected it, there was something in there that I wasn’t so sold. Maybe it was the gravity of the culprit’s reason as to why he did what he did or maybe I am just still in denial of it because even though I was suspicious of him I still liked him until the twist came and it completely broke my heart.

All in all, it is a great book. A fun and entertaining read. It is gripping and undeniably a page-turner can’t put down kind of book. I caught the bad guy (in my head). I suspected him somewhere in the beginning, still suspicious in the middle and boom in the end he was the culprit. I’m proud. I think this feeling of ambivalence rooted from me not considering that my reading gears hasn’t been fully fueled, hasn’t been oiled well and has not been completely warmed up yet and I’ve already  set the bar high. Do I recommend this? Of course, no doubt on that.

How about you, what have you been reading these days?

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November Intentions

I am finding it hard to believe that it’s already November. Clearly, I am still in denial that we’re roughly only two months away before a new year rolls in. Since I pretty much failed this year yet again, I thought there’s still two months left so why not at least attempt to make something worthwhile out of it.

READ AGAIN.

Since I decided to stop myself from binge watching Korean drama series or any series for that matter, I thought I might as well start reading again. I miss it. I miss it a lot. I think it’s time to completely clear out the remaining e-books that has been sitting in my google drive for so long so that I can fill it again with new titles. Actually I am only compelled to refrain watching k-dramas just because I ran out of series to watch and the ones that I want to watch are still ongoing but the thing about me though is that I don’t to watch a series  unless it’s already completed.  I am just way too impatient to wait for a week for the next episode.

BE MORE DILIGENT ABOUT MY SELF-CARE RITUALS.

This includes the little routines that I do for myself that contributes to my overall well-being. Instead of doing it just whenever I remember them which are next to never, I thought why not regularly do it. I already set reminders for this so the forgetful being of me is not going to be an excuse anymore.  This is me trying to outwit myself.

TRY A NEW RECIPE A WEEK.

I mentioned in my previous post that I want to serve my family healthier foods. This will be like a trial-and-error in the hope of exploring or trying out more foods that my family may like.

ATTEND A MASS EVERY SUNDAY.

I had been neglectful of this since we moved but now I want to get back in the groove of going to mass again and also praying at night. I’m not really a very religious person and I only know one prayer but there’s just something whenever I go to church and hear a mass that I find comforting and soothing. It’s like its mending the broken gaps of my soul. Dramatic, I know. Since I’m in such a disheveled state right now, this I know will be of great help for me for sure.

FIND ANOTHER CREATIVE HOBBY.

Writing and I seems like we’re having a lover’s quarrel nowadays for the reason that writing doesn’t like me anymore so before writing completely dump me, I need me to find another creative hobby. I’m thinking now is the good time to learn the ukulele but sadly, I still don’t have a ukulele. If anyone out there is thinking of giving me a present, yes you can gift me ukulele and for sure my heart will be full with so much happiness and gratefulness. Thanks to you, whoever you are. Thank you very much in advance. 😂😂😂 Since the ukulele is undoable for now, I’m thinking maybe I should try drawing/sketching. I do not have a wild and wide imagination and I do not have a good hand to draw good sketches. My drawings are as good as of that of a kindergarden child but still it is something that I know I do enjoy doing.

So yeah, those are what I would strive to attain for this month. I know I always fail at this sort of thing but who knows, I might really do them this time.

Random Thoughts: A Brain Dump

How are you all doing my friends? Hoping all is well. Honestly, I don’t really know what to say here. I’ve read quite a few posts today that it sort of propelled me to open my word document even though I have no idea what to write. I am just kind of winging this out. Well as they say if you don’t know where or how to begin, you can always start at the simplest/easiest step you can do. It may be as simple as opening a blank document. Don’t under estimate these little things because you may never know where it can lead you. Am I right?

Since it has come to this, please allow me to ramble and scribble down whatever that pops up in this chaotic mind of mine …

1. I miss writing. Oh goodness! Do you have any idea how frustrated I feel right now for not being able to write anything for so long? I miss writing proses, poems even haikus like I used to. I couldn’t help to think that the little creativity and imagination that I have has already left me. And this blog? It already seemed like I had abandoned it ages ago. I need to refocus to the goal I had when I created this blog.

2. I should start taking journaling seriously. I am convinced that I am one of those people that jotting down to paper the messes in my mind helps greatly in clearing up some space in my brain resulting to more organized thoughts and positive mood.

3. Getting back in shape is another thing that I should take seriously. I’m not saying that I should go all out to get a Victoria Secret model’s body. That’s impossible. What I mean by getting back in shape is to shed the few kilos I’ve gained from having a sedentary lifestyle. I believe I am now in my heaviest in all of my life. I don’t need a weighing scale to confirm that as I can already see and feel it in my middle section, cheeks, thighs, love handles and in the overall mood and feel of my body. We have a stationary bike, a set of dumb bells, an exercise ball and a yoga mat so I do not have any excuse now do I? But I still prefer to run though …

4. I should cook more and healthier. Thinking what to feed my family is a huge challenge in our household because my family prefers a carnivore and unhealthy diet. I couldn’t help but feel guilty whenever I constantly serve them fried, processed and even canned foods. I know I need to be sneakier and more creative to make them eat healthier.

5. I should take a break from watching Korean drama series. This has pretty much taken over my life for months now and it’s not helping me at all aside from providing me escape from the real horrors of my reality. I should get back to reading and exercising instead.

6. I love listening to OPM again. I am so happy that our music is slowly getting back at it again. The Pinoy Chart Toppers playlist on Spotify has been on repeat for me these days. I am loving the sound of OPM again.

7. I failed this year. I am more than aware of that and there’s no one to blame for this but me and my indecisiveness, pride and cowardice. There’s not one thing in my goals to achieve this year has happened. It’s another year that has been thrown away and I greatly regret it. I do not want to beat myself up for it anymore; instead I’ll focus on gaining the right motivation and exerting more effort in order to work twice or thrice as hard as I needed to so I can take one step at a time closer to my goals.

8. Growing herbs and vegetables has been lingering in my mind for quite some time now. It’s not that I use a lot of herbs when I cook; I only plan on growing peppermint for now so I can use it as tea. I already had one but it died as it was planted directly exposed to sun, now I know better. With vegetables, I want to try growing tomatoes, calamansi, spring onions and chillis. People say when you enjoy black coffee and gardening, it means that you’re old. I enjoy black coffee and I am already considering growing some veggies, does it mean I’m old? Having a garden has always been in my bucket list.

9. I meant it when I said I want to learn to play ukulele. I couldn’t start learning it for now as I don’t own a ukulele just yet but one day. Anyone who can teach me?

10. I should drink less coffee and consume tea instead as a healthier alternative. I know that my coffee drinking habit has contributed to my weight gain as I drink instant coffee mix up to four cups a day. For now, I opt for the classic black with just milk on it and I refused to drink another cuppa unless I’ve already drink two tumblers worth of water. I’m doing well on this so far, though I still crave that sugary instant coffee.

I think I should end this here for now. I didn’t know I already blabbered that much. Since this post is random and the content is random, do you have anything that you want to share? Anything at all? I don’t mind how random that is and certainly am not judging. Just share away.

Things I’m Loving Lately

I  know, I know. This post is so unoriginal because I am so uncreative like that. I suck at coming up with titles anyway and I am more than aware of that. Believe me or not I tried to think of a different title that is cool with the same meaning for so long but screw it I couldn’t so why not just dive into it and do it. I just really want share my favorites at the moment that gives me my daily dose of happiness. So, without further ado, here’s the things I’m loving lately:

SPOTIFY PLAYLISTS

I mean it’s no question how music can influence us in general: it reflects our moods and feelings and it can even instantly lifts our spirit up. Since we moved apartment, it had taken weeks before we had our cable and internet connected meaning also for weeks we pretty much had nothing to do for entertainment. So I myself had turned into my ever so trusted music buddy, Spotify. I don’t create my own playlists but rather choose from the existing playlists on the browse section. Lately, I have been loving these playlists in particular:

Because the millenial in me is kicking in and I miss listening to these songs that I grew up with. It’s nostalgic for me, remembering my younger days. Oh geez, saying that suddenly made me feel so old.

I like listening to these playlists during the morning while I’m having breakfast and/or cleaning and tidying around the house. It’s not too noisy and it’s not too mellow either, just perfect for when your mind and body are still waking up.

I also love this playlist of Yiruma’s music. I have always loved this ever since I first heard  of River Flows In You in a Dancing With The Star’s video. This is my go to playlist for when I want to calm my mind and mood. I like listening to this usually during the evening for when I want to wind down for the night to mellow out the energy, there were times that I listen to this to sleep. It’s just so relaxing and calming for me.

YOUTUBE VIDEOS

I have really been into listening to music lately. If I’m not on Spotify, you’ll see me browsing through countless of videos on Youtube because who doesn’t do that, right? And I have two videos in particular that I have been shamelessly raping the repeat button for days. Obviously, I am in serious last song syndrome situation.

Just because it’s Mori. We all know how great of a singer she is who can whistle like Mariah Carey and that little squeaks she does that has become kind of her trademark. I wasn’t really a fan of the squeaking at first but now I’m digging it, that is just so Mori.

I first watched this video the other day because first, it’s Moira and we all know how great of a singer she is too and second, she’s covering Perfect by Ed Sheeran. I mean can it get better than that? Also she has a unique voice and I am so in love with that voice. I’m kind of jealous of that actually, I’m not gonna lie. What made this video so fun to watch is not only because of Moira and Jason’s flawless voices and the oh so beautiful way they sang it but also because they had kept in the video the giggling and funny bits that they had while recording and it was just so adorable and so kilig. They reflect the song that they were singing. I just think that this video also shows a little bit of Moira’s personality which is so awesome.

VLOG/VLOGMAS MARATHON

Since we had our internet connection installed, I had been binge watching my favorite youtuber’s vlogmasses every night and all of their vlogs in general actually because I love watching it. I like seeing or watching how other people spends their time, what they do in a day and basically how they live their lives. I’m curious. Is it so wrong?

GOYA TAKE FIVE DARK CHOCO

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I first had a taste of this on tuesday this week when I went out of the house that afternoon with a purpose of paying something that I needed to pay thru the cliqq machine in 7/11 but unfortunately the two 7/11 stores that I went to both had broken machines. I was so annoyed because I walked around 15  to 20 minutes from the first 7/11 all the way to the second 7/11  store under the scalding heat of mister sun. I was boiling hot and was sweating like a pig. So as a reward of some sort for myself, I picked this up and ate it while I walked back home. Since then I had been eating this everyday which maybe is another culprit why I am breaking out so badly this time. Ooopps.

BULLET JOURNAL ENTRIES and PHOTOS

I’m a silent bujo enthusiast. I like being organized and I like lists and I definitely like how creative you can be in creating your own bullet journal. Just this week I noticed how I keep losing a good amount of time just by scrolling through instagram looking at photos of bujo entries. Every time I’m mesmerized. It’s just so interesting to me how people invest their time and effort, even resources setting up their bullet journal and how they utilize it in their lives. I’ve never tried doing one. I can only do a very basic to-do list in a piece of paper, crossed out the finished ones then tossed that paper in the trash bin when I no longer need it.  I hope one day I can try doing it too. 🙂


What about you, what are the things that you’re loving lately?
Feel free to share it in the comments.

 

Gerry over and out. 😀😉

What’s Up With Me?

Hello you beautiful people of the world! Hi! How are you? Gerry here. Still alive and thankfully still human. Oh my goodness! It’s been so long isn’t it?  How are you guys doing? I feel like I’ve been gone for like a hundred long years, what an exaggeration I know. Though I was able to dropped some likes and comments here and there but still, obviously it wasn’t enough to keep up.

I feel like a lot has happened since the last time I posted on here but now that I’m thinking about it, I feel otherwise. You may or may not know that the main reason as to why I had been somewhat inactive on this blog was because I didn’t have internet, if I remember it correctly, I think it was since around July or August of last year. Why, you may ask? I wouldn’t go into details but  I can tell you it was because of my brother’s great doing. I remember my parent’s and I were so shocked when we saw that our internet’s bill suddenly skyrocketed off the roof. It amounted more or less to all of our utility bills combined. My mom was so pissed because it still happened despite of my mom and I’s constant reminder to them. So what my mom did was that she didn’t pay the bill at all. It was just one person’s mistake but all of us suffered. Lesson learned … don’t pissed my mom.

Another reason as to why my mom did that was that it was that time around when my parents contemplated about moving apartment. We were just not happy anymore with our previous home. It already harbored a lot of negative vibes and energies. We were all dreading coming home to that apartment. It caused us stress and distress so it wasn’t really homey and pleasant anymore. We were all bad tempered and we were all fighting and arguing most of the time. I know it’s so lame blaming these stuff on a house but I do agree with the notion that our environment plays a vital role in influencing us … with how we behave, how we think, how we deal with things, how we decide and so on and so forth.

It has been a challenge looking for an apartment because 1. we’re on a budget, 2. we’re too many, we’re seven person in the family and 3. we have pets – three dogs and a cat. My mom told me that landlords nowadays prefers up to five people maximum in an apartment and no pets which were bummers because she had found a number of nice apartments that’s within the budget but couldn’t really get it because of the said reasons. Frustrating, I know. That’s why it had taken quite a while before we moved.

On December, we started packing and by we I mean my mom and I. It was kind of a slow process at first as we don’t really know when we can move yet. I started going through our stuff, one category at a time. I disposed of the things we don’t really need or use anymore and boxed those that we do need. I did one or two boxes a day then after that I binge watch k-dramas because why not, that’s my only happiness at the time. We powered through Christmas and New Year with our house in chaos, full of boxes and only with the most basic stuff. I even had a little accident in the kitchen just 3 hours before new year. I burned myself whilst trying to start our oven. The fire literally went past me, by my face actually. I burned a little of my hair (the ones that had unraveled out of my braid especially those under my ears and my baby bangs), my eyebrows, eyelashes and also four fingers in my right hand. Yeah, that happened.

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My mom witnessed that, she was so shocked, all she said was to asked me if I’m alright.  The only thing going on in my mind at that time was that “Did I lose my eyebrows? Do I now look like Voldemort?”.  I was so worried about my brows that my mom had a lot of fun teasing me about not knowing how to draw them. Yes people, I don’t do my brows. I am so grateful for being born with a naturally ‘shaped’ eyebrows but with that incident, the arch area in my right eyebrow has become sparse. It looks like I have a bald spot there but not really. It’s not that noticeable but I do notice it every time I look in the mirror. So now, that’s what I’m attempting to learn, on how to do the brows because it’s really bothering me and my mom just won’t shut up about it. I even bought myself an eyebrow pencil recently but never tried to use it yet. Will I ever learn? That’s the million dollar question.

Then comes January 2018, the first two weeks consisted still with a series of packing, packing, packing and more packing until one afternoon my mom said to me pack everything, we’re moving that evening. Everything that day happened so fast that I didn’t know what day that was. Up to now, I still couldn’t remember the exact date of that very night we moved into our new apartment. All I can remember was that it was around the fourth week of January.

Now that we’ve moved and all settled in this new home, all seems lighter and brighter, literally and figuratively. We’re happier. I sleep oh so so so much better. I now usually sleep around midnight and wakes up to a bright morning. I now usually get more than 6 hours of sleep a day. I mean who wouldn’t be happy with that? Am I right? There are still nights that I stay up until 2 or 3 am but that’s it.

Wait … I intended this post to be a quick greeting, just to popped in your newsfeed and say Hi! but I didn’t notice I already blabbered so much and spouted all these words. Oopps! Well, I better end this here.

 

May we all have a wicked day!!! A good kind of wicked, okay? 😉

 

Gerry over and out. 😀

For You

Dear M,

         It was on a very random day of December 2016 when we had exchanged and established our first Hi’s and Hello’s, little did I know that that was the start of something that I will cherished for as long as my neurons can remember. I talked to you with no expectation at all as I was so used to talking to people who were rude and plainly jerks. Then you came along. I really thought at first that you were just like the lots of them but it turned out that that wasn’t the case at all. I remember when I realized that, I was reminded of the saying “There’s always an exception to the rule.” I think I even uttered that out loud to myself with a smile on my face. Very fitting, said my mind.

          Since then, we exchanged messages every day. Your replies were one of the things that I always look forward to when I woke up to a new day. I was so glad about the fact that our conversations were not just basics or small talks – the kind of talks that for me is draining and tiring. I greatly appreciate that I found someone whom I can talk to like an actual adult and have deep conversations with pretty much about anything with no holds barred. Your open-mindedness I found so endearing and it charmed me every time. Your advises and words of wisdoms were everything to me. I learned a lot from you, that’s for sure. They may not be new to me but you were the proof that it was all possible and very doable. Your fearlessness and bravery for taking chances enchanted me. I remember I even felt jealous and envious of that at some point, well … I think I still am today to be honest. When life gave me a beating, just the thought of you could immediately pull me into positivity. You cheered me up when I was sad. You willingly listened to me when I needed to vent out even though they were the things that I had been telling you over and over again. You listened. Unbiased and non-judgmental were other qualities of yours that I admired oh so greatly. You undeniably had become a role-model for me.

          I think it’s about time to admit that you’re the one who actually made me realized that I am now more open to the thought of deepening my relationship to someone, romantically I mean. I am not going to deny that just the mere thought of that really scared the living life out of me. Exaggerated you may think but no, not really. That’s absolutely how I felt. What if I get really invested in you and then things don’t work out? What if the universe doesn’t conspire with us? Oh God, that’ll break me for sure. I was so grateful when you said that you wouldn’t rush and force me to do things and/or decisions that I am not ready for.

          These last couple of months though, I felt something different that I couldn’t quite put a finger on but now that I’m thinking about it, I think I was just in denial all this time.  Then came along your last message, I read it and it hurts. A lot. I couldn’t even get mad about it because all you said were true. Did I mention that I value your honesty and straight-forwardness too? I was with my mom when I read that message. I was barely holding my tears that I needed to excuse myself to go to the toilet, opened the faucet and let the tears rolled out.  The crushing pain in my chest was growing stronger and stronger by the second. As your words kept repeating in my head, one word kept popping to mind, TRUE. You said nothing but the truth and as they say, truth hurts. Indeed, it hurts. It was beyond annoying that I could do nothing about it but to feel guilty because I am guilty.

          You said that you would like to see me one day as a strong woman who exactly knows what she wants in life and that I am obviously not there yet. This you don’t have to tell me for I know that already, that’s one of the things that I would want for myself too. You said that for you it seems like I am confused – very confused, I said to myself – about the things that I should do, about my priorities in life and that if I do want to have someone in my life like a boyfriend or a husband. I must admit that the last one made me chuckle for a second because silly you, of course I would want that because I don’t have any intention of being alone and miserable for the rest of my life. You also said that maybe time is the key for me to figure these out. I recall myself nodding to this under the constant stream of tears falling out of my eyes and with the heaviness in my chest because I knew this too is true.

          It’s my fault that our relationship didn’t progress like the way we wanted it. You said that you’re not pointing a finger at me that this didn’t happen but again, you really didn’t have to tell me that because again, I already know that. The problem is in me. The problem is me. That made me realized that I really need to sort out myself first, feel a little settled at the very least before I can accommodate someone new in my life. And that’s what I intend to do. I am very regretful of how this all turned out. Just like you said, you wish things were different. Well, me too. How I wish I’m different, because maybe then … there might be a chance.

            Simply saying thank you wouldn’t suffice to completely express how grateful I am for you, for knowing you and for all the things I’ve learned from you. I am sad and I am regretful. I am undeniably feeling the pain like I just had a friendship breakup. It’s not a happy ending but with all the lessons learned, I think that’s where the bright side is. I am still hopeful though, that that one day will come. The day when I can reciprocate what you’re giving me and confidently accept what you’re offering for me.

          With all of this been said, I still have one last thing to say …
           Thank you for being you, mister.

 

Your Princess,
Gerry

Warm Mornings

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The sun peeping through her window wakes her up,  her lips then breaks into a smile as she opens her still dreamy eyes whilst her mind goes on to thinking about what is more beautiful than waking up in a comfortable bed, in a gorgeous cheery bright morning with the intoxicating smell of brewing coffee wafting in the air. And to top it all that, having your man laying beside you, looking at you with those beguiling eyes as he says “Good morning beautiful. I made you breakfast.”  then gives you a smile so charming that certainly melts your heart.