Screaming for Change!

I am not feeling like myself this past weeks, I’m not feeling well at all, physically and mentally. The other day while I was laying in my bed and just staring at the ceiling, it hit me. I realized that my current state right now is overwhelming me. There never a day past that I didn’t think about finding a job and figure out what I really want to do in my life.

I graduated in college in 2011, took and passed the licensure exam for nurses the same year and then nothing. Right after I held my license I am worthless. I tried applying for a number of jobs but I always backed out right the very last minute. When companies invited me for an interview, I went of course but when I got there, fears and doubts engulfed me and I just go home instead of proceeding to the interview. What a coward, right? Yep, that’s me.

It is such a shame that I’m a bum while my friends and batchmates are out there working their butts off and have gone far already. Me? I’m still here right where I left off (or never left). I’m really frustrated right now because I’m so sick of whar I do, of my routine. These days I mostly sleep around 6 in the morning (what a hopeless insomniac eh?), wake up at 2 or 3 in the afternoon, eat, take a shower and sit in the couch, watch tv all until 6am. Very productive, right?  I’m so sick of it that I just don’t want to get out of bed at all.

I badly want and need to have a job right now but finding a nurse position here is hard. It’s like finding a needle in a haystack. My profession is so down right now. We are overpopulated with nurses with a very little demand for them. I’m anxious about trying other jobs ’cause what if I enjoyed it or what if it’ll make me forget my profession? I just don’t want to put my education to waste.

In five months time, I have to renew my nurse license and it shames me that I haven’t been able to use it which frustrates me even more. Oh why am I auch a coward?! I’m a very shy person so a face-to-face conversation (interview) is such a pain in my butt.

How can I survive this? How can I move on to the next chapter of my life?

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4 thoughts on “Screaming for Change!

  1. I read your blog entry and it sounds so similar to me except that I’m in my 30’s and starting over. It’s so hard to get a job in the field you want to go into if no one will give you a chance. So much a catch 22. I want to be driven and just go out and pound on doors or whatever it is driven people do. So I’m starting to push myself out of my comfort zone each day. Also, I’m looking into volunteering. Just for a few hours a week, it would give me experience also get myself out of my comfort zone and also maybe get my foot in the door somewhere. http://www.volunteermatch.org
    I don’t know where you live but you might want to check it out. Some of the them were at hospices and medical offices. Maybe it would create an opportunity for experience and an open door.

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    1. Yes, I’m actually thinking of volunteering too. I thought that it’ll be a better use of my time than just slouch in the couch all time watching tv. This is what I love about reading other blogs, you can find people with similar situation or experiences that can make you realize that you really are not alone which I find uplifting in a way. ^^ Good luck to us.

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      1. I’m still thinking about it actually but I’m quite interested in volunteering as an EMT. I still haven’t visited the red cross chapter here yet so I am not that aware of their volunteering programs.

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