I am not feeling like myself this past weeks, I’m not feeling well at all, physically and mentally. The other day while I was laying in my bed and just staring at the ceiling, it hit me. I realized that my current state right now is overwhelming me. There never a day past that I didn’t think about finding a job and figure out what I really want to do in my life.
I graduated in college in 2011, took and passed the licensure exam for nurses the same year and then nothing. Right after I held my license I am worthless. I tried applying for a number of jobs but I always backed out right the very last minute. When companies invited me for an interview, I went of course but when I got there, fears and doubts engulfed me and I just go home instead of proceeding to the interview. What a coward, right? Yep, that’s me.
It is such a shame that I’m a bum while my friends and batchmates are out there working their butts off and have gone far already. Me? I’m still here right where I left off (or never left). I’m really frustrated right now because I’m so sick of whar I do, of my routine. These days I mostly sleep around 6 in the morning (what a hopeless insomniac eh?), wake up at 2 or 3 in the afternoon, eat, take a shower and sit in the couch, watch tv all until 6am. Very productive, right? I’m so sick of it that I just don’t want to get out of bed at all.
I badly want and need to have a job right now but finding a nurse position here is hard. It’s like finding a needle in a haystack. My profession is so down right now. We are overpopulated with nurses with a very little demand for them. I’m anxious about trying other jobs ’cause what if I enjoyed it or what if it’ll make me forget my profession? I just don’t want to put my education to waste.
In five months time, I have to renew my nurse license and it shames me that I haven’t been able to use it which frustrates me even more. Oh why am I auch a coward?! I’m a very shy person so a face-to-face conversation (interview) is such a pain in my butt.
How can I survive this? How can I move on to the next chapter of my life?