I can barely contain my emotions these days. I feel like I am being provoke by these circumstances for me to breakdown and of course I cannot let that happen. Life is taking its toll on me, it frustrates and stresses me even more. It’s even harder to take because I couldn’t tell anyone, I don’t have anybody that I can talk to about my concerns and feelings. It’s really hard to take all of this alone.
It’s not like I don’t have any friends, in fact I have a handful of them whom I know are more than willing to comfort me and give me advises. I am just not comfortable of sharing to them my problems when I know they too have a lot of problems to sort out and solve. I don’t want to add to their burden. Same thing goes to my parents, they already have a lot of things to think about for me to add in.
I can tell that my stress level right now is too high causing me to not having sleep and eating too much. I know my body is complaining, I can feel it. I have this constant headache and dizziness and in general, my body just doesn’t feel right, at all. I’m also eating a lot way more than what I usually consume. I have even spent a week eating junk foods, chocolates, breads, rice, soda and I even forget to take water. How cool is that? And oh, did mention that I have skipped on my exercises too?
I just don’t feel well. I feel sick physically and emotionally. I don’t know what to think first. I am so mess up right now, I couldn’t think straight. I am frustrated about being unemployed, I am frustrated about my family issues, I am frustrated about myself in general.
For now, I only want to have a break from all of this, even just for a moment. Please. This whole situation I am in makes me want to go somewhere really far from here and far from the people I know. It’s not that I want to get rid of them in my life. I just want to find myself again and I couldn’t do that when I am surrounded by people who are overprotective of me and cares about me so much. Maybe that’s the thing, maybe that’s the reason why I lack confidence and experience because I am surrounded by people who won’t let me fall down and get back up in my own feet without them helping me. They won’t let me get wounded and bruised because they’re the ones who’s taking it. How can I learn if they won’t let me experience things by myself? And that is exactly what I want right now.
I know I can never run away from this crisis in my life and I know that the only way to get over it is to face it but my question is how? God knows how badly I want to get through this phase. If I just have money and courage to just fly away from here, I’ll gladly do it.