Brain Dump: It’s A ‘Me’ Day

I wasn’t able to sleep last night until 6:30 this morning. I was up the whole night watching videos, listening to music while playing Hay Day. At 5:30am I was hungry and right timing, our helper just bought some pandesal, my most favorite local bread. It was freshly baked, still hot, I took a bite and got myself a steaming mug of black coffee. I made myself cozy eating outside the house, sipping my coffee while watching the sky changed colors. It was such a great view to witnessed and together with the voice of Daniela Andrade playing in my ears, I felt so relaxed.

I then realized that I haven’t felt that way in a while. It made me realized I’ve missed that chill, laid-back, relax feeling like you don’t have anything to worry about. I’ve felt the way how my mind and my body relaxes at that moment. It’s undeniable that these past months, my mind were everywhere, always thinking of so many things. My thoughts then drifted into the things that kind of bothered me recently like the amount of hair fall that I see in the drain when I shower and also the intensity of my breakouts these days.

Whenever I go to a salon, the person who washes, cuts or treats my hair never fail to comment to me that my hair is as thick as the hair of four heads combined. Yes, I have a very think hair and it’s also a normal thing that I see a clump of hair fall in the drain but these days, the amount of hair fall has gone a lot than the normal and it really bothers me. I couldn’t help thinking if I am losing too much hair, the same also goes to my breakouts.

I started having breakouts at around the last few weeks of June last year. At first, my acne was mainly in my chin area but it graduated into my cheeks also and it’s worst right now. I claimed that cystic acne is what I have and it is such a torture in every way. It’s painful, it’s red, it’s big and the marks it leaves are really horrible.

I have been in denial, I admit that. I see myself in a mirror a handful of times a day but I don’t really pay attention to the reflection. Today, I looked at myself in the mirror, deeper and then I saw how negligent I am with my body. My body is suffering so much right now simply because I’m stressed out. I am in a great deal of stress right now, from family issues, financial concerns to my frustrations and dilemmas about myself. I’m turning 23 in about a month and the so called quarter life crisis is already hitting me so hard right now.

My under-eye circles are terrible, my acne are horrible, my skin is dry, my hair is also dry, freezy and poofy. I couldn’t tell if I have gain weight or I lose weight but what I know is I’m eating a lot than usual and a lot of unhealthy foods. I don’t exercise ans not even consistent in my skin care routine.

So, when I woke up at around 12:30 in the afternoon, I grabbed the coffee grinds from the coffee maker and brought it in the shower and scrubbed myself, gently of course. I have even treated my hair with a homemade mask. I also gave myself an at home manicure and pedicure, I’ve painted my nails in nude pink. I then watched and episode of NCIS:Los Angeles and after I began reading a new book. After dinner, I cuddled with my poodle, fed my guinea pig and is now watching TLC while typing this up. Yes that’s how I pamper myself. I do it in the simplest way possible. What can I do? I’m just a simple person.

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