Lately, my feelings are so ambivalent. I’d like to feel happy but I just couldn’t. I can laugh at times but it’ll be short lived because my thoughts attacks me and sometimes situations betray me. I don’t really know if I’m just worrying too much or if I’m just taking things too seriously. This past week there were a lot of times where I wanted to cry but I couldn’t let myself break down because I was surrounded with people.
These days my tears are like too excited to escape from my eyes and maybe I am just too experienced with holding it back. Everytime this happens, I feel so lonely because I can’t tell anyone. How I wish I can but I just couldn’t. Things are too complicated to share it with people.
It feels great when people open up to you, sharing their thoughts, feelings, plans and even secrets. Those people makes you feel and think that you are trustworthy but we also cannot deny the fact that sometimes it is too much to bear. And I am in this state right now.
The informations and secrets are overwhelming me, so I wish I didn’t know. I am totally aware that no one can understand me without revealing too much. I’m angry but I cannot show. I disgaree but I cannot declare.
It’s a lot to carry alone. It’s hard.