When the year comes to an end, it makes you reflect about how you lived your life in that year. And that was what I exactly did during the last few days of 2014 and I have realized a lot of things and those things aren’t really pretty.
I realized that I have lived 2014 and the previous years in self-doubt, shyness, fear, hatred, self-pity, insecurity, disappointments and pretty much any negative thing you can think of. What can I do? People have let me down; even I have let me down. The funny thing is that all along I know that the problem is me and yet it seemed like I couldn’t do anything about it. I have even started blaming people when all I really have to blame is me. Now that I’m thinking of it, I couldn’t really tell how I’ve lived with all of those negativities in my life. No wonder I felt so useless, so down and my self-esteem and self-confidence were already six feet below the ground. Those negativities simply spoilt all of me to the very core of my being, that’s how worthless I was.
Since the time I graduated college up to now is what I call the idle phase in my life and during this phase all I ever wanted is change. I am always seeking something that is different from all I have right now, and then it hit me. How can I do that if I don’t even try hard enough for me to find it, right? My biggest excuse I’ve used before was ‘Opportunities come to those who wait’ and ‘Everything happens in the right time.’ How foolish of me, I know. Stupid me! Opportunities come to those who persevere and to those who try hard. That is supposed to be the mantra. But hey, I’ve learned my lessons and if I want change then I should stop bumming around and start acting it out.
New Year means a time to start fresh and with that a lot of people have now come up with their own lists of resolutions and goals to do this year. I am used to be one, always having resolutions and always end up with not doing any of it at all but I intend this year to be different and that is by actually achieving something.
This year’s GOALS are:
- Ditching the bad habits and forming good ones.
– Sleep on or before 2am. (I’m an insomniac, so this will be a great challenge.) – No eating after 10pm. (It’s a habit of mine to eat a full meal just before I sleep and that usually occurs at dawn and that includes a lot of carbs and sugars.) – Consume more water and cut back with dairies and sweets.
- Reading at least 10 books.
- Land a job. (This is I feel like the hardest.)
- Volunteer in Philippine Red Cross.
- Donate blood.
- Take 2-D Echo Technician Certification.
- Go out of town.
- Own a camera.
I want this year to be about rediscovering myself and exploring my options. I’ll also do my best to always keep moving forward and not step back every time someone or something blocks the way. I’ll not let fear take over me again.