My life lately has been so typical and routinary, just plainly boring in general. Pretty much doing the same thing everyday which is I’m getting really tired of and unfortunately, I am back again with my old bad habits.
Being unemployed at 23 years old really sucks, it’s making me feel useless. I want to go places and do things and buy stuffs but of course, how can I do that when I couldn’t even afford it. Oh did I mention that I’m turning 24 in a few months? This whole mid-life crisis thing is slapping me hard in the face right now and it’s literally driving me insane. There was a time when I thought finally something worked out then in the end it didn’t so now it brought me again right from the very beginning.
I am again this, directionless, worthless, confused, jealous and insecure girl. I want to be that person again, someone who when I stick my mind into something I will do anything to do it or to have it. Sure I have goals and ambitions but the courage and confidence to go through the process of getting in there or of reaching it, are the things where I am lacking. I am full of self-doubt and shyness that it holds me from doing the things that I want and the things that I know I can. I constantly compare myself to my friends and to others that’ll turn in the end into self-pity. I once said here that my self-confidence is already at six-feet under the ground and that’s what makes everything worse.
I know people will say to cheer myself up and believe in myself and always think and stay positive. I know. I’ve tried, it’s just really not that easy to do. Not easy.
Oh how to get past this?