What Have I Been Up To?

Seriously, I should be asking that same question to myself too. I can’t believe we’re nearing at the end of March already, where has the time gone? This past two weeks, I often find myself reflecting about my life; the decisions I made, the regrets, the opportunities that I’ve let slipped out of my hand and the whole shenanigans. I also have been thinking about my future too more often and the things that I can do to rectify the bad choices that I made before while also trying to learn from it. I hope to figure out and extract the lessons from them and leave the rest behind in the past. I know that the past is not a good place to hang out especially if it makes you feel like crap when you realized it was you who put yourself in those situations and that there was no one to blame but you. The regrets and frustrations are hitting me hard but I am totally aware that there’s nothing I can do about it to change it yet there’s a whole lot of things that I can do to make the now and tomorrow better.

After the New Year, I’ve had a lot of plans and goals that I have set out for myself. I even written the post Things I’ll Strive For in 2017 to make it as my guide when things slips out of my mind again because that’s something that is expected to happen. So lately, my mind often wanders in there and reminds me that I am totally slacking off again which isn’t great in every way. I realized that I wasn’t doing anything or exerting efforts at all to make those items in that post to happen. Then, I imagined in my head that I was whipping myself for not living up to the word that I put in there, strive. Not making it in one go doesn’t necessarily mean you failed, it’s about making great efforts, really fighting to get that thing that you want to obtain. So here I am, ready to do just that. Again.

Friday of last week, I was finally able to enroll in the certification course that I’ve been wanting. I was supposed to enroll on February but I didn’t make it as there was no available slot anymore, that’s why now I made sure that I enroll early even though the training isn’t starting until the third week of April. When I received the confirmation that I was officially enrolled, I felt ecstatic. I felt like I have made something big for my life, if you know what I mean. Now that I’m thinking about it, I’m feeling anxious with all the worries in my head yet really excited. I am so looking forward for it to start already.

Also, I got back into reading again. I  probably have read four or five books this past two weeks which is really cool. Reading have again provided me with escape from all this overwhelming stuff in my already confused mind. Whenever I feel like my brain is having too much, I’ll just whip out my iPad and I will be pulled into a whole new world.

Another news that I want to share is that my family have adapted a new kitten. My brother brought him home last week. Meet Mogwai. Isn’t he cute?

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Our three dogs weren’t thrilled the first time my brother brought Mogwai home. They were always barking at him whenever they see him but they’re all good now. They love playing with him. Our poodle, jLo, acts as his babysitter. Our chowskie mix, Ginger, acts as his playmate. They play and bully each other all the time. Our japanese spitz, Francine, acts as the random stranger, random playmate and a random nemesis.

That’s all for now folks. Just really wanted to dump all these into writing because it helps a lot for me in managing my sanity.

Brain Dump: In A Slump

I haven’t been feeling like myself these past week or two. I don’t feel like doing anything which in return I have been so horrible with my goals for this month because unfortunately I have been struck with this sickness called being in a slump. I just couldn’t find any motivation in doing anything that I want to do, I have been feeling so sad and alone. I may even be depressed, I don’t know. What I do know is that I am feeling so down and so unmotivated which I definitely want to get over with as soon as possible because this state is no fun at all. I also have been feeling so stressed out about personal matters that it actually starts to bother me the amount of hair fall that I see in my drain every time I shower. I feel like I’m going bald in no time.

If you have read my November Goals post, I made that in the hope of making a better use of my time and somehow feel productive, that I’m actually doing something that isn’t just lying around, watching television and or plastering my face in front of my laptop all day. The first week has been hard but I barely accomplished the weekly goals which were to do at least two workouts a week and I read a book and posted a book review in time. But the second week has hit me hard, the motivation was nowhere to be found, all I want to do is stuff my face with as much food as possible, sulk in the room and cry in bed. I even didn’t have the energy to get up and get my bum out of the bed. For sure, this isn’t the first time that this happened but I just really hate this feeling  and I want to get past this.

A new week has started and I’m still in a slump, still not feeling myself, still depressed, still sad and lonely, still stressing out a lot but I’ll do my best this time to gather up all the effort that I could to at least do something good this week. My friends and I have planned a getaway this weekend, so hopefully being surrounded with my ever so bubbly and energetic friends may help me get out of this state that I am in right now.

As of this moment, my mantra is “It’s okay not to be okay.” It is a normal thing for every living human being in this planet to go through with this phase, I am assuming that if not all then most of us knows what this feels like, it all will come down to how you handle and deal with it.

I know I’ll feel better in no time.