What Have I Been Up To?

Seriously, I should be asking that same question to myself too. I can’t believe we’re nearing at the end of March already, where has the time gone? This past two weeks, I often find myself reflecting about my life; the decisions I made, the regrets, the opportunities that I’ve let slipped out of my hand and the whole shenanigans. I also have been thinking about my future too more often and the things that I can do to rectify the bad choices that I made before while also trying to learn from it. I hope to figure out and extract the lessons from them and leave the rest behind in the past. I know that the past is not a good place to hang out especially if it makes you feel like crap when you realized it was you who put yourself in those situations and that there was no one to blame but you. The regrets and frustrations are hitting me hard but I am totally aware that there’s nothing I can do about it to change it yet there’s a whole lot of things that I can do to make the now and tomorrow better.

After the New Year, I’ve had a lot of plans and goals that I have set out for myself. I even written the post Things I’ll Strive For in 2017 to make it as my guide when things slips out of my mind again because that’s something that is expected to happen. So lately, my mind often wanders in there and reminds me that I am totally slacking off again which isn’t great in every way. I realized that I wasn’t doing anything or exerting efforts at all to make those items in that post to happen. Then, I imagined in my head that I was whipping myself for not living up to the word that I put in there, strive. Not making it in one go doesn’t necessarily mean you failed, it’s about making great efforts, really fighting to get that thing that you want to obtain. So here I am, ready to do just that. Again.

Friday of last week, I was finally able to enroll in the certification course that I’ve been wanting. I was supposed to enroll on February but I didn’t make it as there was no available slot anymore, that’s why now I made sure that I enroll early even though the training isn’t starting until the third week of April. When I received the confirmation that I was officially enrolled, I felt ecstatic. I felt like I have made something big for my life, if you know what I mean. Now that I’m thinking about it, I’m feeling anxious with all the worries in my head yet really excited. I am so looking forward for it to start already.

Also, I got back into reading again. I  probably have read four or five books this past two weeks which is really cool. Reading have again provided me with escape from all this overwhelming stuff in my already confused mind. Whenever I feel like my brain is having too much, I’ll just whip out my iPad and I will be pulled into a whole new world.

Another news that I want to share is that my family have adapted a new kitten. My brother brought him home last week. Meet Mogwai. Isn’t he cute?

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Our three dogs weren’t thrilled the first time my brother brought Mogwai home. They were always barking at him whenever they see him but they’re all good now. They love playing with him. Our poodle, jLo, acts as his babysitter. Our chowskie mix, Ginger, acts as his playmate. They play and bully each other all the time. Our japanese spitz, Francine, acts as the random stranger, random playmate and a random nemesis.

That’s all for now folks. Just really wanted to dump all these into writing because it helps a lot for me in managing my sanity.

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Brain Dump: Contemplating My Options …

I have to say that the new year have brought me new hope in my life right now. I say enough of the old me (she’s history) and welcome the (hopefully) better and improved me. This year I want to take risks but we all know that fear and risk comes hand in hand.

All I want right now is to be independent. I am already 23 years but still have no job and still living with my family. I am in this stage of my life wherein I want to test and explore my limits and capabilities. I also want to see how will I live my life with my own decisions and  actions, simply living just depending with myself. It’s not that I want to leave my family and friends or abandon them, that will never happen. I just want to be able to grow and learn in some things with my own means.

Right now, I am considering moving to a new city quite far from here. You know, new place, new people, new start. The good thing is that my mom supports me in this, she’s okay with it just because I have an aunt living in that city who can assist me if even I need help and can lookout for me while I’m starting there. The bad thing is that getting there alone sounds scary to me. So it’s like here I am again, scared and that’s the old me really, fear hinders me from moving forward and that’s not what I want.

Then I remember a friend of mine, she’s a friend since high school and she’s pretty much in the same phase as I am. So I kind of invited her if she wants to come with me in that new city where we can start over with our lives together and honestly, that really excites and thrills me so much. She said she’d love to but she still needs to talk to her dad.

For now, if I really want to pursue moving into that new city my options are waiting for my friend’s decision or bravely face the fear and challenges of going there alone. The latter just made the hairs in arms stand up, it’s that scary for  me. What do you think? What should I do?