A new beginning. That is what I desperately need right now but I thought to myself that I cannot be able to start anew if I am still holding grudges from my past. It is just like what everybody says, you cannot move on if you cannot let go of your past, and honestly, my past turned me into the person that I am today. Coward. Shy. Scared. No self-esteem. No self-confidence. Yep, that’s me. I was judged by people, I was laughed at by people, I was played by people and I was fooled by people way too many times than what I can remember. But I’m tired of it all, I don’t even know who I am anymore. I’ve tried so hard before to pleased everybody, to fit in but it ended losing myself along the way. I have been the puppet, always did whatever they wanted me to do. I have been the prisoner, no liberty to do what I want. I have been the mute, afraid to say my thoughts and my feelings. I was powerless for I wasn’t able to control my own life. In every move and decision I made, I made it for them and not for me. I couldn’t do anything because I always worry about what they will say. Pathetic, right? Stupid, I know.
But I want no more. I figured I am nobody’s
robot to dictate me on what and what not to do. I want to be the captain of my own life. I want to be the one to decide for myself. I am responsible for myself and not them so why would I listen to them, if they’re just going to pull me down. I’ll listen to the ones who will help me get back up, to the ones who will cheer me up and to the ones who will support me. People says that beginnings are always the hardest, well in all honesty, I don’t mind. I have gone through such hardships so I know I can have the new beginning that I am dreaming of. I’ll take it day by day. One step at a time. I’ve wasted too much time spent for them. Now, there’ll be no more wasted time as I will spend it for me.
Always remember that: